If you are expecting this blog to be about designing games with devilish creatures, that is not about those kinds of demons. Like with writing fiction, I struggle with figurative demons when it comes to game design.
For a long time, my two main writing demons have been procrastination and self-doubt. I have fought down self-doubt. I have received positive reviews. One of my short fiction works won an award. It was not a Hugo-level award, but more like county fair limerick-level award. Still...The recognition was much appreciated. I have had friends and co-workers talk about how much their kids love my illustrated books. Plus, I have gone back and re-read some of my stories years later, and am constantly tickled by my own writing. The love is there. I should no longer doubt myself when it comes to my writing.
Procrastination, on the other hand, I still struggle with, but I will get back to that in a moment.
What kinds of demons do I struggle with when it comes to game design? I have a variation of self-doubt in the form of second-guessing. The over-planning demon constantly lurks into the room with the too-many-ideas imps tagging along. And, of course, the procrastination demon. Being able to identify these demons, I am more aware of my weaknesses and know areas to improve.
When writers have self-doubt, they typically think their own work is horrible and no one will want to read such garbage! For game design, or programming in general, the doubt is more about the approach. For example, I get back to a section of code I have not touched in a while, because I have been working on other parts. I think, "Why did I code it this way? It seems complicated and unnecessary! Wouldn't it be easier if I did it like this?" Well, yes, it may be simple for one or two scenarios, but the original way allows for other cases re-using the same snippet of code. "Oooooh! I forgot about that!" And then, I revert changes back to the original design.
Other times, I might use some new coding technique, only to wind up doing something similar to the previous code, but with a slighlty different approach. The earlier design of Peggy used an XML form with all the game data. The game was read-in and compiled before it could be played. Next, I entered similar game data into a table with several columns. Over time, that morphed into a JSON object, organizing the data in a similar, but slightly different approach.There were improvements along the way. There was no longer a need to compile the game, and the number of database queries dropped significantly. But, the static and dynamic data, for the most part, remained the same throughout the evolutionary stages. A bit of doubt about how to pull off such a feature, only to have the gravity of the design pull it back to the better functionality.
I have gobs and gobs of notes on Peggy and how I envision it working. I tweak my notes, and cut out the no longer necessary bits. At times, my wife has accused me of too much planning and not enough doing. She is right. There are times when I have as much fun documenting the designs as I do actually coding.
Is it really bad to capture so much in writing? When I document my code, it has been a life saver. When I provide details in my design notes, it helps explain the why I coded functionality one way to fight off the Self Doubt demon. When I document to procrastinate, because I dread working on a tricky feature...that's when over-planning becomes a problem. The other problem is...
Years ago, my friend and I attempted designing a browser-based RPG. We hyped each other up too much when we had Yet Another Great Idea. The project quickly became unmanagable and suffered from Feature Bloat. This led to us shutting it down and tabling it. I still have the ideas shelved, and think about them from time to time. Having too many ideas is a definite issue.
Too many ideas is right up there with too much planning. I have so many ideas. One idea leads to other ideas, which leads to others. Now, I have WAY too many ideas, that I do not know what to do. My greatest struggle with too many ideas is wanting to work on so many of them, but not being able to make the time. This triggers another form of Self-Doubt where I ask myself, "What am I going to do with all these great ideas? You don't have enough time to focus on ALL of them?" I began doubting myself. Which ideas am I most passionate about? Which ones will be most appreciated by others? Which ones will be most lucrative? Which ones are blocked until I complete another ida?
I have one possible solution I have considered. I have asked if anyone would like to help with some of my projects. So far, no takers. There must be people out there wanting to do something, but don't have a clue what to work on, nor where to start. If you are that person, or know that person, please reach out to me. I would love to bring life to so many projects, and would love to share my ideas and projects with others. Too many ideas! This is the leading cause of...
Yes, there are times when I want to reach out for my phone to doom-scroll or play a mindless game. Or, maybe my overthinking led to a bout of insomnia, which led to a much needed nap. Those are some of the ways I procrastinate. But, for me, my procrastination is mainly a result of that previous demon, Too Many Ideas.
Life is split up into different demands for our attention. There are the things we need to do in order to survive (eat, sleep, etc). There are the things society demands we do (work, maintain our home, etc). There are things family and friends request. And then, there are things we want to do for ourselves. Of all those things, some are unavoidable. Other times, the thing is not urgent, but we focus on it anyway as an excuse to procrastinate. For me, my other projects (writing, website design, various other projects and ideas I don't often talk about) I use as an excuse why not to work on what I should be working on. I will even point out the importance of why I should be working on this thing, but my mind responds, "Nah. I'm gonna do this other thing instead."
In order to fight procrastination, I aim to lay out what to focus on. I have taken concepts from my time in the corporate world to help. I have developed my own tools to help me organize and manage all my crazy ideas. Yes, these elaborate tools were crafted over many procrastination sessions. But, it has helped. Each week, I plan out the week ahead of what I aim to accomplish. At the end of this one-week sprint, I evaluate my progress. Doing this long enough, I am more aware of my patterns and behaviors. I know the areas where I can improve, and I know how often life throws me off with curve-ball distractions. I am more aware of what tempts me, like my phone, which I try to keep out of sight as I work. So, I do what I can to improve, and know when not to get too stressed out when I know of distractions ahead of time.
To all my creative peeps out there working on your own projects, I want you to know I see you struggling at times with your own demons. We may be fighting similar demons, but please know you are not alone in this struggle. I believe recongnizing and fighting back these demons is all part of the creative process, and that we learn and grow as creatives through these struggles. I see you! I believe in you! I know we can reach the other side of the creative process and bring some magic into this crazy world! Hang in there creative brothers, sisters, and others! We got this! Once more into the fray! LET'S GO!!! AAAAAAAAAAAA!!!